GRYFFINDOR - GIRLS

Daisy Hookum

• Clumsiest
• Funniest
• Most Fun to be Around

Lily Evans

• Best Hair
• Most Intelligent
• Smartest

Lorelei D’Vello

• Sexiest Girl Alive
• Most Likely to be a Trophy Wife
• Best Legs

Marlene McKinnon

• Most Talented
• Best Smile
• Best Laugh

Blast: Hookums A Cruel Father

Looks like Daisy abandoned Loopy in all of his pregnant glory.

Why the two called things off is unclear, though I suspect it probably has to do with the strains that budding motherhood were taking on Remus.

Maybe they’ll patch things up when there are twins that need feeding, or maybe Hookums will progress in life, never looking back at Loopy and the bassinets he’ll soon be rocking at night.

Blast: Loopy’s With Child

Yes, everyone’s favorite neighborhood studious Marauder is pregnant. Whoops, did I say favorite? Sorry, I don’t like any of you.

Back to the point. Hookums is likely a proud father-to-be, and I hear Mr. Lupin is going to be thrown a baby shower by his gay uncles - I mean close friends - Sirius and Theon Peverell-Black.

Blast: Mr. Lupin’s Birthday Present Sucked

gryffindordaisyhookum17:

That’s all in the past and if Remus can forgive her then I’m not going to hold grudges, Miss. Get your facts right before you start spurting them out.

I don’t spurt out facts, I just share the lovely lies people try to trick me with. It’s so much more amusing to watch your reactions that way. The truth hurts but the fake truth hurts more.

Blast: Mr. Lupin’s Birthday Present Sucked

gryffindordaisyhookum17:

That’s very kind of you, but it’s conventional to use a fork. I don’t find anything wrong with Amelia, so my shirt will remain clean.

Oh but honey you can’t suck anything with a fork. It’s nice to know how accepting you are of how she broke little Loopy’s heart. Planning on following suit? I’m afraid it’s getting a bit cliché.

Blast: Mr. Lupin’s Birthday Present Sucked

gryffindordaisyhookum17:

Well that’s quite critical, I must say I didn’t think the cake was that bad. But each to your own.

Let me get you a straw for that cake, lovely. And if you choose to hug Little Bones, then it’s your job to was your shirt.

Blast: Mr. Lupin’s Birthday Present Sucked

Literally.

Courtesy of Hookums.

Let’s just hope it’s true or his list is going to consist just of Little Bones, and no one wants anything little or related to Amelia on such a list.

Lady G Weighs In (Part 4)

Amycus Carrow, Alecto Carrow

Ammie: he never seems to be up to anything interesting. He’s either torturing children, crying over McKinnon, or entirely irrelevant. Oh, that’s right, he’s irrelevant all the time, only he doesn’t always make a big show of it.

Lecter: she’s going quiet and I don’t like it. Female Carrow was never HBIC material, but she at least seemed to have more promise than this. Maybe this is what happens when your brother chooses whiny Gryffindors over you.

Is Sirius’ and Cassie’s relationship becoming a little bit too much dependent on sex?

Obviously. I heard it didn’t happen until a while into their relationship, but I haven’t heard anything about them that didn’t involve sex. If it was taken away forever, they’d be a thing of the past.

Xenophilius Lovegood and Cassandra Whitbury?

Both are odd enough to think nargles exist. They could make loony babies together once she starts denying Mr. Black access to her lower parts and he runs for the hills.

Remus/Daisy, Cassandra/Sirius, James/Lily, Cassandra/Xenophilius

Remus/Daisy: too cute to actually be cute. There’s no drama other than his occasional disappearances, and everyone got over the monotony of those long ago. So, boring.

Cassandra/Sirius: haven’t heard about them in the while but I’m pretty sure it’s turning into a threesome with sex as the third partner. Someone steal it away and see if they start crying like Pete does when you take his cheese.

James/Lily: blah blah blah blah blah. They’re so perfect and engaged and - wait - oh, that’s right, boring. At least they fight occasionally, which livens things up. Maybe we could make things more interesting by sending in a girl to do all of the things Lil Red still won’t.

Cassandra/Xenophilius: everyone seems to want them together, so they should really get on that.

Shagging your bloody mother was quiet and boring.

It’s impossible for you to have shagged my mother, but I understand that you must want to make up for the fact that no one wants to shag your mother, which is why she’s extra vicious to you.

You’re doing much better, lovelies. Still, could be better.

Halloween Ball Date List

Hello, lovelies, how nice you to actually still be breathing. I’d say I was happy to see you again, but you and I both know that while you’re boring me to pieces, I couldn’t care less.

There’s been a request to make a list of who’s going with whom to the ball this Wednesday evening, and while I won’t really be paying attention until something interesting happens, I might as well indulge your petty little minds.

This is in alphabetical order, because if I ranked you by how much I liked each of you, no one would make the list. The boys are on the left, and their partners on the right (except in the case of the final pairing).

• Bertram Aubrey and Arabella Figg
• Regulus Black and Mary MacDonald
• Sirius Black and Cassie Whitbury
• Edgar Bones and Andromeda Black
• Rabastan Lestrange and Narcissa Black
• Remus Lupin and Daisy Hookum
• Leo McAvoy and Grace Felicia and Marlene McKinnon
• Kai Ostrander and Emma Rae Vanity
• James Potter and Lily Evans
• Emmeline Vance (obviously a girl) and Grace Felicia

Those who are dateless:

• Bellatrix Black
• Adelaine Blanche
• Charity Burbage
• Alecto Carrow
• Amycus Carrow
• Alice Jamestone
• Liz Locke
• Frank Longbottom
• Xenophilius Lovegood
• Lucius Malfoy
• Doe Meadowes
• Scarlett Mortana
• Peter Pettigrew
• Evan Rosier
• Ted Tonks
• Athene Zosimus

It’s quite pathetic to see that so many people are dateless when one of them could just ask another and avoid the humiliation of being alone, but I suppose not everyone’s savvy enough to understand how finding a partner works. Though some of these pairings might actually lead to something interesting.

Let me rephrase that: they should amount to something interesting, but I daresay I won’t be holding my breath in anticipation. No need to die prematurely when there are so many boring people to ignore.

Blast: A Message From McAv

leomcavoy:

You asked for it. Damn look at that figure.

As long as your dear Raven didn’t run from you, then it would seem this did not turn off everyone. Though how you managed to fit into Hookums’ clothes is another discussion on its own.